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| 02:03am 20/01/2005 |
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mood:  je suis paresseuse music: is he dancing?
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I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. I seem to have run into a little trouble with the law (only partly my fault, mind you). Things have smoothed over, though. I'll be more careful next time about where I eat.
On a lighter note, I don't have to pay bills for my apartment anymore, yay. Because I, being the slacker I am, moved in with Daegan. At this very moment I'm mooching off of his success (whose computer do you think this is?). I love being a lazy freeloader. It's so much more fun than working for a living. |
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| 05:46am 13/12/2004 |
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mood:  sleepy music: Classical..? Daegan is so weird..
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Twelfth post. (what a strange way to spell a number)
I'm at Daegan's house. It's much bigger than mine, since it isn't an apartment, and he owns it. He has his own computer, too, and good internet. He's much richer than I am, probably because he actually bothered to save money over the years. I guess I'll just mooch off of him, since I'm a slacker. He still won't tell me what he does for work, though..
I do have to walk a bit to get food, but I don't mind.
There are frozen corndogs in the freezer, and they are very good. Especially with chocolate sauce on them. I'm lucky that kind of food doesn't affect me much, because if it did, it would be like pulling a ripcord on my stomach. Being ex-military has paid off, I suppose.
I think I shall go to sleep now; It's getting early. |
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| 05:28am 26/11/2004 |
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mood:  Strangely enough, content.. music: A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras
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Eleventh post, yay.
Haven't updated in a while. I'm sorry, all you nonexistant people who read this.
I found Daegan. Two nights ago. I talked to him. He came into my work again and I didn't hide this time. He remembered me. He's not mad at me (I still don't see why he isn't...) We talked for a long time until it was time for me to go home from work and then we went and sat in a park for hours until it was almost dawn and we had to go to our houses. We're going to talk again tomorrow night; we'll sit and be nostalgic about the old days like we did two nights ago.
I'm so releived he doesn't hate me... I missed him a lot. |
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| 11:22pm 19/11/2004 |
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mood:  devious music: Deathmetal, yay.
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Tenth post.
Yay, a night off of work. I think they just give me these nights randomly; so far there is no pattern to when they'll say "No work tomorrow night." Oh well, it's not as though I have a social life to plan around.
I love this library. There are a lot of people like me who work here. I talked to a few of them. They bought the library because they're rich like nothing else and they wanted a library for weirdos like me.
I miss Daegan. I miss my family. I miss.. Life as it was.. If you could indeed call it life, but I'm going to bend the grammatical rules a little. I miss being a child. I miss sunshine. I miss the world not being full of political maliciousness (or any other kinds, but mostly political). I miss being alive. Maybe I'm just a nostalgic person. It happens sometimes.
I think they might be planning a party down below. I'll have to stop by; I don't feel like going out for food tonight. Or for anything else.
I've decided that if I see Daegan again, I'm going to talk to him. I won't be shy or modest or anything that might let him go again; I'm going to walk right up and say hello and hope he doesn't hate me (or hope he remembers me.. it's been a long time.)
Yay, paycheck comes tomorrow. I don't know how much it will be or if I'll have leftover for shiny things (CDs, piercings, et cetera) but I know it'll be enough to pay for rent (yay) and water and maybe electricity if I get around to it. I can see without the lights, anyways, so I don't use it much.
I'm going to go bother the library night-shift people (they're like me! We ought to start a club). |
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| No life? Well, of course not! |
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| 12:55am 09/11/2004 |
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mood:  Give me books music: The radio, again. I shouldn't chew on the cord.
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Ninth post.
No work tonight; apparently I get some nights off, not that I'm complaining. Funny thing is, I have nothing better to do in my free time than go to the library and bother people. Speaking of which, I found out why the library is open all night: people like me, yay. Saw some in the back. You really can tell the difference if you know what to look for.
I've been looking for him again, and so far nothing. Maybe he'll come to my work again. Maybe he saw me there, and just pretended he didn't. I do that sometimes, when I don't want to talk to someone I see in public.. It works quite well because most people are just shy enough to not talk to someone who doesn't notice they're there.
You know, I've found it's very hard for me to slouch. Too many military years to actually allow myself to have bad posture without expecting someone to yell at me. I'll bet it's better for my spine in the long run.
I'm going to wander around and look for decent books now. I love it, though.. I don't have to worry about closing time, because I'll be asleep when they lock the doors. Fantastic, isn't it? |
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| 05:54am 06/11/2004 |
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mood:  thoughtful music: O mio babbino
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Eighth post.
Just got off work. What fun.
People who come into bookstores at night are strange. I've seen a couple people like me, but other than that they're just really creepy and they need to go home and leave me alone while I'm working. They always buy strange books, too, morbid things like Anne Rice (I've read those.. They're interesting) and books on witchcraft. It amuses me, actually, how stereotypical the people are. Oh well.
By the way, I've found a 24-hour library. I can post anytime I want, now. Great, isn't it? Haven't seen anyone like me here, though. Just more weird people like at work.
No parties tonight. The building has been relatively quiet for a week or two, actually. I'm starting to wonder if I scared them off. I hope not; I didn't even have to leave the building for food last time. The stairs, though... They're hard to climb when drunk. Elevator buttons are out of the question.
No news from Daegan. I think, maybe, I shouldn't have hidden from him.. I can't fix it now, though. Maybe he's gone. Maybe he moved to Siberia because Russia doesn't like him. Maybe his spleen imploded. Maybe he's still here and he just hates me.
I think I shall go to sleep soon. |
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| There has to be something more to this. |
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| 06:16pm 28/10/2004 |
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mood:  slightly drunk music: Green Day - Minority
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Seventh post.
At my friend's house again.
You know, I've been really looking at the world, and.. So many things are different.. I miss being back home. I miss not having anyone to arrest me should I do one thing wrong. I miss being my own. Maybe I'll just adapt. I suppose I'll have to..
My work annoys me. People have no respect for anyone but themselves, if even that.
I'm sorry for whining. I'll stop now. Maybe I should put this wine away. |
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| 10:29pm 27/10/2004 |
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mood: Forgetful and loving it music: Devil's Cry
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Sixth post.
I should go to parties more often. Not only did I get free food, I forgot about the things that have been bothering me. I forgot about seeing Daegan (albeit for only a few minutes). I forgot about the mean lady who keeps coming to my work. I forgot about being bothered by those group-feeders. I forgot about a lot of things... Mainly what I did with my food... I hope I didn't leave it somewhere incriminating. Police can be such a hassle.
I seem to have revised my opinion on alcohol; it's proved to be somewhat useful in certain cases. |
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| I don't know what to do. |
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| 08:36pm 22/10/2004 |
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mood:  Ambivalent music: Bullet Theory
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Fifth post.
I don't want to go to work tonight. People always ask me why I'm so pale. I tell them it's none of their business and they leave the subject alone. I can never smile with my mouth open, though, it's rather frustrating and I don't want to deal with it tonight.
At my apartment, the people below me are having a party. I am at the library, so I don't know what they are doing, but I think I will stop by when I get home from work; maybe get free food. They had alcohol, I could smell it when I went down the stairs to leave. I will stop by indeed.
I don't know what to do. I saw Daegan.. I know he's alive. I know he's here. He has to hate me, after what I did.. He has to. No one could ever forgive that. I don't think I can, even though I was the one who did it..
I guess I'll just go to that party. |
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| 01:54am 19/10/2004 |
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mood:  intimidated music: Silence; I have to be very quiet or I am in trouble.
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My fourth post.
I am at a friend's house. I don't have very many friends, but the ones I do have are very kind. I am allowed to stay here for a while, and I am allowed to use the computer as long as I am very very quiet and I don't let my friend's parents know I'm here. I can do that; I'm a very quiet person. I normally wouldn't update if it took this much trouble, but..
I saw him. I saw him, I saw him, I saw him. He came into my work while I was sorting books on one of the shelves and he walked right past me. I know it was him; there's no way I could mistake that voice and I remember what he smells like. I can't believe he's still alive..
I hid from him. I'm sure he hates me. If I were him, I would hate me. I know I can't face him yet..
But he's alive! |
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| 07:08pm 15/10/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative music: The metal station on the radio. My favorite.
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My third post, yay.
I woke up early tonight, around 6, and decided to go early to the library and use their computers a long time before closing. I bet that made them happy.
My apartment building is funny. Occasionally, the person above me will dance and sing along with opera. The person to my left watches soaps all day while I'm trying to sleep (luckily not too loud, and if I put my head under a pillow I can't hear the over-played drama.) The people below me and to the right are relatively quiet, though they both have the occasional party with friends and alcohol and illegal drugs. I can smell the alcohol through the walls sometimes, but only because my nose is good. I'm sure if I went over to one of their apartments on one of those party nights I could get easy food; I've never tried it, though. I doubt anyone would notice if one of the partiers went missing. Maybe I'll do it next time, though I don't know where I would put them afterwards.
That was a very large paragraph.
I don't have to go to work until 11, so I have a fair amount of time to waste. Maybe I'll break open my savings and buy a canvas and some paints.. I haven't done any paintings in a while, I really ought to. I can sell them sometimes, or just keep them. It amuses me when people marvel at how well a "nineteen year old" can paint. In my opinion, I look like I'm at least 20. I'm sure I would be allowed to buy alcohol if I really wanted to, but I don't much like the effect it has on me.
I think I shall go and get said canvas and paints. Maybe I'll try to find Daegan or something; I haven't had any luck in tracking him down, though. I can only hope he's still alive after what I put him through. |
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| 09:27pm 11/10/2004 |
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mood: hungry music: The radio; a rock station.
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My second post.
I think the people in this cafe are becoming annoyed with me. I don't come in often, and I don't bother anyone, but I suppose they are annoyed because I stay right up until closing time. I'm sure they wonder why I never come in during the day.
I have to go to work in a few hours. I work at a bookstore (on the night shift, of course) and I ring peoples' purchases up for them and put their money in the box.
I have been wanting food since I woke up. I really don't need any food, but I spoke to someone who mentioned ice cream and now I would like some. I'm also hungry. I think I shall go to a market or something and take care of both at once; there ought to be a fair amount of people still awake in a public place. Maybe I'll see someone I know, even though I don't know very many people. |
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| 10:12pm 08/10/2004 |
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mood: amused music: In Flames - The Quiet Place
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This shall be my first post. I am going to have to edit the things I write in here, because I don't want to scare anyone or get kicked off. Now, see, I would have used another site called "Deadjournal," so as to blend in with the rest of the anomalous crowd, but unfortunately one needs an invitation to get on to that site. I never much liked invitation-only parties or the like, but I must admit, it would have been a fitting site for me to be on.
I don't know if anyone will read this or not, so I suppose I'll only edit out the worst parts. I most likely will not update often, since I move too much, and also because I don't have my own computer. I update mostly from libraries and cyber cafes. Right now, I have decided to cease my wanderings (momentarily, of course) in search of an old friend. This old friend is most likely within a radius of three cities, and if he isn't, then I will simply enjoy the city life while I may. I have a job now. It doesn't pay very much in comparison with some, but it does supply enough funds to pay for my housing, a lovely (but humble) apartment. I can buy normal food sometimes, too, and maybe some new CDs for my lovely player. In my opinion, recording music was the greatest thing ever thought up. One can listen to one's favorite music any time one wants, without being yelled at for requesting the same songs too many times in a row. One can also change how loud one's music is, or which song is playing, just by poking a button. It's fantastic. I'm glad I don't have to eat very often, so I can afford new music sometimes. I like rock best. The radio has a lot of it, which I like, and I have a lot of it on CDs.
I think I will leave now; even though I just woke up, some people in the library would like me to "stop staying here late" and go home. |
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